Tobi's Valentine's Day
by Midnight's Shining Star
Summary: It's Valentine's Day and Tobi needs to spread joy and friendship! How is he supposed to accomplish this when nobody is going to help him? Crack-fic. Written at 1am; bound to be mistakes/OOC-ness AND YES IT IS LATE FOR V-DAY! AI ISH SOWEE! D: [ONESHOT] T to be safe :)


**A/N: AIIIII! I KNOW THIS IS LATE! AI SO SOWEE! **dodges rotten fruit** I know it's almost a month past V-day but I said I would do this so...better late than never, right? n.n'''**

**So, this is really just a crack-fic. There will be OOC-ness, randomness, wutevs. Hope you enjoy! It's a little short but...I hope it gives some people laughs...(even thought it's really late .-.)**

**Enjoy!**

**Akatsuki (c) Masashi Kishimoto**

* * *

_**Tobi's Valentine's Day**_

* * *

"Tell me again, Tobi, how _exactly_ did this happen?"

Pein loomed over the masked ninja who sat in the middle of a pile of rubble; the remnants of what used to be the Akatsuki's base. Tobi scratched the back of his head. The other members of Akatsuki hung around in the background, most sending angry glares towards Tobi or fearful glances towards their leader.

"Well, you see leader-sama…" Tobi gave a sort-of nervous laugh here, "It's Valentine's Day and Tobi-"

"_Valentine's Day?_" Pein brought a hand to his face. "Ugh…Tobi…never mind. Just go on with your story."

"Righty-o leader-sama! Anyways, like Tobi was saying, it's Valentine's Day so Tobi wanted to spread joy and friendship!"

The Akatsuki all groaned while a few mumbled some things under their breath. Pein shot a glare towards all of them, silencing the group at once but inwardly, he was thinking the same thing.

_Oh no._

* * *

The slamming of a door was heard reverberating through the Akatsuki hideout. This was soon followed by some angry shouts and a few desperate pleas.

"But Kakuzu-san!"

"No Tobi! I refuse to waste the Akatsuki's precious resources on such a trivial matter!"

"But Kakuzu-san! Tobi _needs_ that money!"

"No! Now get out of here or your heart belongs to me!"

"Eep! Tobi is going!"

Tobi scuttled away from Kakuzu as quick as he possibly could.

"What is Tobi supposed to do now?" the masked ninja sadly wondered aloud. "Kakuzu-san won't give Tobi any money, not even when Tobi said pretty please! How is Tobi supposed to spread joy and friendship on Valentine's Day if Tobi can't buy any valentines?!"

Suddenly, Tobi stopped walking.

"TOBI HAS AN IDEA!"

"Shut the **** up Tobi! _Some_ of us are trying to ******* concentrate!"

"Oops, sorry Hidan-san!"

Tobi then dashed off, a mischievous smile present underneath his mask. He needed to find Itachi.

* * *

"Itachi-san, Itachi-san, Itachi-san, Itachi-san, Itachi-san, Itachi-san, Itachi-san, Itachi-san"

"WHAT TOBI?"

Said masked ninja had been going on for half an hour like that. Itachi had thought if he just ignored Tobi then the swirly masked shinobi would leave him alone. How wrong he had been. Itachi could be a patient person, but even Itachi had limits.

"Well, Tobi was wondering…Tobi needs Itachi-san to make him a winning lottery ticket!"

"Whatever for?"

"Tobi just wants one" Tobi answered, holding his hands behind his back and rocking back and forth on his feet.

"How am I supposed to do that?"

"Oh, Tobi doesn't know. But Tobi doesn't need a real one! Just one that looks real! Tobi knows Itachi-san is good at illusions so Tobi decided to ask Itachi-san!"

"Forget it."

"But Itachi-san! If you don't Tobi won't stop asking you!" Tobi gave a firm nod of his head.

The prospect of having another half hour or so of Tobi constantly pestering him did not sit well with the Uchiha.

"Fine."

Soon, Tobi was skipping away happily, said lottery ticket in hand leaving Itachi cursing the masked ninja under his breath.

"Kakuzu-san!" Tobi called out, "Tobi has something for yoooooou!"

"WHAT?" An obviously annoyed Kakuzu asked.

"Tobi has, ta-da! A winning lottery ticket! Tobi is very sorry for annoying Kakuzu-san earlier so Tobi decided to make it up! It's Valentine's Day after all!"

Kakuzu shot a suspicious look at Tobi.

"Where the hell did you get that?"

"Tobi just found it! Tobi knows Kakuzu-san likes them so Tobi decided to give it to Kakuzu-san!"

"Give that to me."

Kakuzu's eyes widened and practically turned into money signs as he was calculating all that the ticket could get him. It was a winning ticket alright. At least, it looked legit enough. Who cared where Tobi had gotten it from? This was just money waiting to fall into his hands!

"Don't touch anything Tobi!" Kakuzu shouted as he dashed off.

"Don't worry Kakuzu-san! Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi shouted back.

Tobi gulped as soon as Kakuzu had left.

"Tobi said he wouldn't touch anything…but Tobi _needs_ money so that he can spread joy and friendship! But if Tobi borrows Kakuzu-san's money then Tobi will be *gasp* a _bad_ boy! But if Tobi doesn't borrow Kakuzu-san's money then Tobi can't spread joy and friendship! What will Tobi ever do?"

Tobi sat down in front of a stack of Kakuzu's money, thinking about this for a minute.

"But Tobi is only borrowing it. Tobi will put it back. And Kakuzu-san will be so happy when he sees what Tobi did! Yes, Tobi shall take some!"

Tobi reached out his hand to take a pile of the money.

"But Tobi doesn't want to be a bad boy!"

Tobi took his hand away.

"But Tobi _needs_ the money!"

Zetsu stood in the doorway, listening to Tobi argue with himself.

"**Tobi must have schizophrenia.** Such a sad case really." Zetsu shook his head and walked out of the room.

Tobi finally made up his mind and decided that he would "borrow" Kakuzu's money. Having made this decision, he stuffed a wad of it into his cloak and hurried off.

"Tobi will return it…oh yes, Tobi will! Tobi is a good boy!"

Tobi stopped short in his tracks. How would he ever return the money if it was gone when he bought the valentines? Furthermore, how would he ever get out of the Akatsuki base to buy the valentines? He didn't know where he was supposed to go! What if he got lost? No, he couldn't go out by himself.

So, valentine plans thwarted, Tobi did the only logical thing there was to do. He sat down in the middle of the hallway and began to think.

"What will Tobi ever do now? Tobi _needs_ valentines or else he can't spread joy and friendship!"

Not being able to think of anything, Tobi stood up and dejectedly wandered around the base. Eventually, he wandered into the living room where Deidara was, molding some sort of sculpture. Tobi immediately brightened up at seeing his senpai.

"Deidara-senpai!" Tobi shouted jubilantly and proceeded to try and tackle said blonde.

"Hell no, un" Deidara mumbled, moving slightly out of the way so that Tobi simply crashed into the floor.

"Senpai!" Tobi shouted again, sitting up and throwing his arms in the air.

"No, un."

"But Tobi didn't even-"

"No"

"But Tobi was just going-"

"No"

"But Tobi needs-"

"No"

"But-"

"NO! Now shut up before I blast you to oblivion, un."

Deidara turned back to his sculpture.

Tobi closed his mouth. Being blasted to oblivion did not sound like something he wanted to try. Though, who knew? It could be fun…

"Senpai!" Tobi whined.

Deidara simply ignored Tobi, hoping the masked ninja would just leave him alone. Unfortunately, he had no such luck.

"_Senpai_! Tobi _really_ has to ask you something!"

"Then make it quick, un." He snapped.

"Tobi was wondering…if Tobi could have some of your clay?"

Deidara's head immediately shot up and whirled around to face Tobi. Did that masked idiot really just ask what the blonde thought he asked? Yes, he did. And, there was _no way in hell_ that he would give Tobi any of his clay! It just wasn't happening.

"What?! No, never! Now get out of here, un!"

"But, senpai, Tobi only needs a little bit!"

"I said no, un!"

"But-"

"NO!"

"Oh, alright then…"

Tobi hung his head dejectedly. Deidara eyed him suspiciously for a moment before turning back to his work.

"What in the world do you want some for anyways, un?"

It wasn't like he was going to give any clay to Tobi, but he was curious as to why the masked ninja suddenly needed some.

"Tobi needs to spread joy and friendship! It's Valentine's Day you know senpai!" Tobi said, immediately brightening up, perhaps with the hope that Deidara really would give him some clay after all.

Deidara laughed dangerously low.

"Tobi?"

"Yes Deidara-senpai?"

"I'm going to count to three and if you're not gone by then I _might_ just have to use the clay on you, un!"

"AGH! NOOOO! DON'T BLOW TOBI UP! TOBI IS A GOOD BOOOOOOOOOOY!" Tobi exclaimed before dashing off.

"Well that takes care of that, un" Deidara mumbled.

* * *

Tobi ran all the way back to his room and closed the door tight.

"Heehee, silly senpai! But senpai will be sooooo happy when he sees what Tobi has done! ~"

Tobi removed some clay from his cloak. He had noticed some of it lying around on the ground and decided he would just borrow some of it. After all, Deidara just didn't know what was good for him sometimes. Tobi would make valentines for everyone and then everyone would be happy!

Tobi hummed as he set to work making his valentines. He had to make them just perfect for everyone so that he could spread as much joy and friendship as he could! And he had to make sure he didn't leave anyone out. He didn't want anyone to feel left out on Valentine's Day! Then they would be sad! Nobody should be sad on Valentine's Day!

Finally, Tobi put the finishing touches on his valentines. He had made a whole bunch of little clay hearts, then wrapped them in paper mâché made out of Kakuzu's money since he didn't have any paper, painted them red, and added some glitter glue and lace for maximum effect.

"There! Tobi has finished! Now Tobi just needs to give them out…oooh, how should Tobi do it?"

Tobi eventually decided to go hide the valentines in each of the Akatsuki's rooms so that they could all have a nice surprise waiting for them. Tobi set about doing this, skipping and humming as he went along. Once finished, he clapped his hands together in joy.

"There! Now Tobi has spread joy and friendship! Everyone will be sooooo happy! Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi beamed.

"Tobi…" Kakuzu stalked up to the masked ninja.

"Oh, hello Kakuzu-san!" Tobi gave a little wave.

"Tobi, did you touch any of my money?"

Tobi put a hand to his chin in thought. He couldn't remember, had he touched any of Kakuzu's money?

"Heheh, sorry Kakuzu-san, Tobi doesn't remember!"

"TOBI!"

"Oh, hellow Deidara-senpai!"

Deidara did not seem happy with Tobi, to say in the least.

"Tobi, where is my clay, un?"

Then, Tobi remembered. His valentines.

"Oh, that. Don't worry senpai! Tobi just saw some of it on the floor and thought it was a shame to waste it so Tobi used it!"

"YOU DID WHAT? WHERE IS IT? GIVE IT BACK TO ME NOW!" Deidara shouted and began chasing Tobi around the base.

"Hey, I still don't have an answer!" Kakuzu shouted at the pair. A somewhat expensive vase was knocked over in the chase. "HEY! WATCH WHAT YOU'RE BREAKING!" Kakuzu bellowed.

"TOBI COME BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!" Deidara shouted.

"Heehee, you should really learn to control your temper Deidara-senpai!"

"SHUT UP YOU IDIOT, UN!"

Itachi, who had been sitting quietly reading a book, now sighed as he closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. What was Tobi up to now? And Deidara certainly wasn't helping matters either.

Deidara began to mold some explosives.

"DEIDARA IF YOU BREAK SOMETHING YOU'RE PAYING FOR IT!" Kakuzu shouted at the blonde who didn't seem to care as he was hell-bent on catching a certain masked idiot.

Tobi suddenly realized what was going on.

"Nono senpai! Don't go 'katsu!' Don't do it! EEP!"

Tobi shielded his face with his hands as Deidara made a hand seal and the whole base went up in flames.

"DEIDARA!" Kakuzu shouted.

"TOBI!" Deidara shouted towards Tobi and continued chasing after the swirly masked ninja.

Itachi's chair had somehow miraculously stayed intact during the explosion and the Uchiha sat now wishing he could kill all of them so that he could get some _peace_.

Kakuzu had started chasing after Deidara, demanding that he pay for the damage done to the now defunct base.

The rest of the Akatsuki members simply stood in shook before joining in on the chase and shouting. And then, Tobi ran into Pein, causing all the members to immediately stop what they were doing to glance at their leader. In fact, it was so quiet now that everyone could probably hear a cricket chirping from miles away.

Pein looked slowly from each member to the next, Konan stationed behind him, before his eyes eventually fell on Tobi.

"Could someone _please_ explain to me, WHAT IN THE WORLD IS GOING ON HERE?"

* * *

"And that's the whole story!" Tobi said, shrugging his shoulders.

Pein closed his eyes for a minute before re-opening them to glare at the Akatsuki who all shrank back at the look except for Tobi. Tobi simply sat there with his head tilted upward wondering what on earth could cause Pein to be so angry at him.

"Clean this mess up." He ordered, turning with Konan starting to follow him. The Akatsuki all began to mumble before Pein stopped in his tracks. All went silent.

"And Tobi?"

Tobi gulped.

"Yes leader-sama?"

"Stay _far_ away from the reconstruction."

* * *

A few hours later Konan was returning from some errands when she saw a heart shaped valentine lying on the ground. She bent down to pick it up and examine it. Well, it was Valentine's Day after all, and she did have nothing to give Pein. This should do.

She found the Akatsuki leader and handed him over the token.

"Here Pein, happy Valentine's Day." She said, smiling.

Pein took it and smiled. "Thank you; where did you get it?"

"Oh, I just found it…"

Just then, Tobi came running, being chased by Deidara.

"GET BACK HERE YOU IDIOT! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, UN!"

"Heehee…now now senpai…"

Deidara suddenly pulled out a bomb to launch at Tobi. Just then, Pein remembered what Tobi had told him about the valentines.

"Oh crap"

Not only did the bomb Deidara sent towards Tobi explode but also the valentine that Pein was holding!

"DEIDARA! TOBI! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU TWO!"

* * *

**A/N: The ending is rather suckish... .-. Anyways, hope you liked! **

**(Don't hate me for being so late! xPPP)**


End file.
